Drumul spre eternitatea damnata

Ma simt atat de vie! Pot sa vad de 10 ori mai bine! Aud mai bine... Pot sa ascult soapte dincolo de multe usi inchise. Voci din lumea intreaga imi suna in creier. Pot sa le ascult, sa selectez doar una singura, sau pot sa le estompez de tot. Intuneric e tot ce-mi trebuie! Lumina soarelui acum e lasata in spate. Nu ca nu ar fi frumoasa, dar nu am nevoie de ea! Exact. Nu am nevoie decat lichidul acela rosu care se prelinge pe buzele celui care mi-a facut acest dar: eternitatea! Sunt imortala!

Pot sa alerg fara incetare, pot sa ajung o masina din urma, sau sa prind trenul care duce spre apus. Si il simt cand e in camera. Il simt cand e in apropiere. Il simt cand ma cauta, cand vine spre mine, cand e trist, cand e vesel, cand se hraneste, cand devine de gheata. Daca ma striga pot sa il simt si in vis. El spune ca sunt ca si copilul lui. Dar defapt e ceva cu totul altfel intre noi. E o legatura diferita fata de cea parinteasca. Dar e minunat, oricum!

Am atatea planuri pentru viata asta! Vreau sa studiez mistere, sa imi fac prieteni noi din lumea aceasta noua pentru mine, vreau sa ating performante incredibile. Inca sunt la inceput, dar am destul timp, nu am de ce sa imi fac probleme.

Timpul, acum nu mai e un dusman! Viata, acum nu mai e povara! Moartea, acum a capatat alt sens, un sens indepartat, un sens pe care abia il percep desi in jurul meu continua sa moara multe suflete. Eu trec pe langa ele indiferenta, ca si cum nu s-ar fi intamplat, da, am devenit inumana in scurt timp! Pana cand si el se mira de asta. Nu imi mai este frica de nimic, desi mai sunt destule lucruri care ma pot distruge. Eu nu le iau in calcul. Eu imi vad de drum, de setea de sange, de libertate, de zbor, de frumos! Da, ce frumos e aici! Noaptea pare atat de luminata cand defapt e intuneric bezna, dar eu pot distinge chiar si cele mai mici detalii. Pot simti viata din orice creatura in viata.

De multe ori merg noaptea pe tot felul de strazi si privesc in jur absenta, incerc sa fiu atenta la ce gandesc alti oameni. Cate lucruri noi mi s-au intamplat! Au venit asa toate deodata! Cartile cu vampiri inseamna nimic pentru mine acum. In sfarsit gust din eternitate!

Ghost in my room

“I walk alone on a lonely road. It's raining and I feel I'm dying on the inside. My soul went to Hell, saw the flames burning through the empty walls of suffering and I’m scared to death. I cry out loud all my pain, but no one can hear me. I’m frightened of life. But I don’t want to die nor to live either.

They say you can’t fall if you hold someone’s hand. That could be true if the person you’re holding could help you somehow. But if he doesn’t understand a thing how can he help you? You can fall as long as you want to if nobody understands.

Why am I crying? Am I dead? Am I alive? Is this earth? Is someplace elsewhere where I should be? Is somebody waiting for me? I’m crying because I’m sad. I’m not dead, but neither alive at all. Yes, it’s earth. I could be home talking to one of my friends, but right now nobody is waiting for me. You can’t save because me you don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everything is wrong with me! I hate life, and life hates me.

Why am I bleeding? Why I can’t stop walking this lonely road? Where am I going? I’m bleeding on the inside, that’s for sure, maybe someone disappointed me or maybe something bad happened recently. I am walking without knowing where I’m going and it’s perfectly ok for me, maybe I don’t have where to go. I’m going to nowhere.

Am I insane? Have I lost my mind? Can you save me? Can anyone hear me? Yes, I am insane and I don’t know who am I or what I’m supposed to do anymore. Yes, I have lost my mind completely and I don’t think I’ll find it soon. You can’t save me because you are so far away. Your soul is more lost than my soul is. You are powerless! Nobody can hear me because the world around me is deaf and blind!

The cars are crashing around me; thoughts of death surround me like an ocean. I try to find a boat to escape but rain drops keep falling down drowning me to death! My soul keeps bleeding until my body goes fading away. I’m becoming a ghost!”

-You entered again in my dreams, stupid ghost in my room! Why the hell do you look like me? You say you represent my soul? And if you are my soul then what the hell it’s inside me? Am I dead? No? Ok, then why are you scaring me to death? You want revenge? Go to hell! Oh, you just went there? Sorry. Get out of my head! That’s a knife? You can hold things in your hands? I don’t want to die! You, stupid ghost! Get lost!...

To be continued…